Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Diabetes Day
Despite my adoration or let’s say more like addiction to carbohydrates, I want to discard all of the beige or white colored food in our home. We have had a terrible – no good – very bad diabetes day today. Elle woke up high which was the first clue, but I am always hesitant to first assume her insulin pump is not working correctly so she ate breakfast before we changed the site. A healthy bowl of Cheerios and even though cereal is not the best option for a diabetic, periodically she chooses Cheerios and we figure that Cheerios is much better for her than my absolute favorite – Lucky Charms – so we pick our battles. Needless to say, Elle was grumpy after breakfast and storming around the house like a madwoman. I was late to bring my daughter Annah to the orthodontist to get her palatel expander put on just one day before her 8th birthday and was not focused on the fact that Elle must be getting higher. Ultimately, I ended up snapping at Elle for what I perceived to be her behavior. It was not until we were at the orthodontist’s office and Elle called me to report that she as 500 that I realize this was not about her behavior, but was symptomatic of a high blood sugar. So here I am feeling far from worthy of the MOM OF THE YEAR award.
Nearly the same exact pattern repeated itself this afternoon after Elle ate too many pretzels as an after-camp snack. I hate diabetes today. I resent the way high blood sugars make Elle feel and how she acts as a result of those feelings. Right now I detest all the foods that spike her blood sugar, but I really love how those foods taste.
I tend to be an optimistic person and I often look for lessons learned through hardship or adversity. The only positive outcome I can find today is that this is the first time since I decided to start writing this blog that I turned to my computer as a therapeutic way to process what happened here with my family on this day. I guess in many ways, this blog was inspired by days like this one. It is a day like today that I had in mind when I started exploring the possibility of what it would be like to chronicle our days with diabetes. I imagined the benefits of distraction and the ability to focus on something relatively constructive rather than driving my daughter crazy with questions about blood sugars and carbohydrates. I wondered if someone like you would read my posts and choose to blog back with stories, words of wisdom, quick tips and basic moral support.
So please, share your tales of woe and of triumph. When was your last terrible – no good – very bad diabetes day? What did you do to cope? What can I do to better manage these difficult dynamics more successfully? What tricks of the trade can you offer a mom at the end of her licorice rope? In either case, for those parents who have often felt unworthy of winning any awards, you now have someone to commiserate with who is just a tweet away.
The terrible constant fear that I might be disciplining my 6 year old son for behaving badly and then find out his blood sugar was high; I would say one of the many terrible, no good bad things about being a mom to a kid with diabetes. Handling the day to day stuff is stressful, emotional etc. and then throw in Halloween, birthday parties, etc. I’ll never get mother of the year award now. I gave my son extra insuluin before we headed out trick-or-treting. I had carefully planned for three peices of candy. I studied the carb book I knew how many grams of carbs were in his most liked candy. The night was hectic, my 4 year old daughter ate handfuls of chocolate (after 5 I stopped counting), but Dennis must have not liked one and didn’t finish it, or the crazy running around he did with his friends that night–I don’t know what it was , but he went low-35! I had messed up. My first attempt at tinkering with the insulin to give him a little bit of normal life. I make mistakes and he suffers. It feels so unfair at how not scientific all this is. So many variables I can’t control and all I want is to make my children happy.
Dear Joanne,
Thank you for posting a comment. Your words could be my words because I have experienced all of the same fears and missteps you described. In fact, your comments and last week’s holiday inspired my latest blog post.
As parents of Type 1 Diabetics we are all learning the ART of diabetes management. Unfortunately, we are all faced with the fact that blood sugar control in children is definitely not a SCIENCE. but rather a game of finesse – of give and take. Sometimes we are smoother than others and learning not to beat ourselves up too badly is half of the battle. Holidays and sleepovers and overnight camp and birthday parties and stomach viruses are all far too complicated and disruptive. There is no getting around the fact that this just sucks. Fortunately, we have each other to lean on, commiserate with and productively process the realities of responsibly parenting children with Type 1 Diabetes.
Stay tuned to my new blog post: Tricky Treats.
Please do stay in touch and share the blog with others who may find it useful, have something to contribute or may understand your reality a bit better after reading.
Warmest Wishes,
Stefany
Wow. I just read your blog with great interest. I don’t know any children with diabetes, but I certainly share your love of all things white & beige so I can appreciate (in a small way) what life must now be like for you and what challenges lie ahead for Elle and all of you in the family. I wish you the best of luck with this journey and I think it’s wonderful that you have started the blog. I’m sure others will find it helpful.
My favorite saying about this disease is that the only thing predictable about diabetes is that it is unpredictable. I have given up beating myself up over mistakes or highs and lows that I caused. I try to be vigilent and learn from every mistake, but sometimes no matter what you do, you get a high or low…..
Exactly! One day, I too hope to feel as liberated as you sound when it comes to letting go of the highs and lows.
My daughter was dx’d at 8 and is now 13. She is third of four and my other kids tolerate, but don’t like, the lag before my type 1 is disciplined. I want a pillow needlepointed “You BETTER be low!” just found you and will read more tonight.